dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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