I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
