he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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