It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
