do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
