I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
