He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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