I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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