My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
