they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
