You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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