i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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