pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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