i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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