My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
