You're my little dorito
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
