you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
