Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
