omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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