How'd it feel making her break her religion?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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