Porn is love you can see.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize