just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
