I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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