if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
