i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
