Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
