Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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