Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
