I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You are the jesus of drinking
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
