thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
