ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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