i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
