Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
