Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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