If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
