is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
