I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
