she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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