just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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