You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
