She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
