So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i barfeds in our rink
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
