hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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