Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
