I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
