the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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