I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
