I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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