So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
