Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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