Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
