the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
