He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
