Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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