i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
