i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
