The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
