He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i love accidental penises.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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