New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
