you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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