I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
